Mothers who are without this Mother's Day - this is for you.
Mothers without a mother to hug or a child to hold, mothers without the ability to bear a child of their own or mothers estranged from their children, mothers without their husband to praise them, mothers without hope and without peace, mothers without strength and without answers to life's questions, mothers without solutions to the worlds problems and without explanations for the many injustices all around us. It is for mothers like these that I cry out to God for today. I cry out to Him because He knows. He knows each pain, burden, each suffering that we ever experience. Not only does He know, but He cares. The Bible tells us we can cast our cares on the Lord and He will sustain us. And, why? Because we are all called children of God.
Any mother knows what it's like to want to provide for her children. We don't want to see them go through the hard things. From the little falls that skin their knees to the bigger falls that we can no longer fix with a simple kiss and a bandaid. For mothers, just seeing our child cry is enough to make us cry. We long to comfort and fix. We long to make it go away. But, sometimes we just can't. When our son strikes out and loses the game, we just can't fix it. When our daughter's best friends moves far away, we simply can't fix it. What's done is done, and we can't change what's already been done. All we can do for our children in these situations is love, pray, love, listen, comfort and love some more.
For so long, I thought I could never be fixed. Losing Christiano was something that I just couldn't ever fathom healing from. I would often think, 'what's done is done.' Of course, I have always believed that God is my father and that he can bring comfort and healing to my situation - that He could, of course, bring me forward through my pain. But, I really just thought I'd always be broken. A mother who has lost a child has lost a part of herself. A mother who has lost a child has a forever hole in her heart. A mother who has lost a child is always going to have something missing and something broken. She will NEVER be whole. Those are all things I thought. And, sometimes I still do. But, really - I think I forget sometimes...
I forget that I'm a daughter of the King. I forget that God is the restorer to the broken. I forget that my God is bigger than anything else this world has to offer. I forget that my Father is Holy and ABLE to do exceedingly more that I could ever ask or think. I forget that Christiano was never truly mine and that he's been brought back to his original creator. I forget that God promises to replace my heart of stone with his heart of flesh - the heart that should have more room for Him than anyone or anything else. I forget that His love for me isn't based on anything I have done. I think I thought that since a bandaid couldn't fix me, that I'd just never be fixed. But, I forgot that God is God; and He is bigger than all of this.
This Mother's Day and every Mother's Day - I am His daughter, above all. Although being a mother is such a huge part of who He made me, it is not ultimately who I am. Although it is a great gift, He is the greatest gift. Who I really am is His. He is the One who knows my pain. He is the One who heals my heart. He is the One who holds my future. And, because He is all of this - I don't have to mask my pain or hide my hurt. I don't have to fake a smile. I don't have to pretend that I'm whole. I get to be just as I am, and I get to know that He's working all of it out. I get to know that I'm in his loving hands and that I will someday be whole again - whether that's now or later, whether it's here or there, this one thing I know... I am His, forever.
Happy Mother's Day to every mother out there. Find yourself in Him - your worth, your heart, your identity; let it all be in the One who will forever call you daughter. You will never truly be without if you let God live within.
